<funhouse: ad graveyard>

Crash and burn.

Rejected print ad, 1995. Client: ABC-TV (mini-series). Agency: Grey Entertainment. Art Director: Steve McCarron. Writer: Zeldman. Rationale: "We don't want to turn off women." DIALOG REPRINTED BELOW. MORE »

"We don't want to turn off women."

The following conversation, or something just like it, actually took place:

Account Guy:

We can't run that ad. We don't want to turn off women. Women hate sci-fi, they hate horror, and they hate Stephen King.

Copywriter:

Huh? What women? Says who? What?

Account Guy:

It's a known fact. Hey, we have data to back this up.

Art Director:

What data? You're tripping.

Account Guy:

You guys skipped out on the focus groups. Women hate this stuff, and women make the decision to watch mini-series in the household. It's in the brief.

Art Director:

So's my dick.

Account Guy:

Nice.

Copywriter:

Wait, wait, let me just, let me ask you something.

Account Guy:

Fire away. I'm here to serve.

Copywriter:

Let's pretend you're right. Let's pretend women hate sci-fi, horror, and Stephen King. It's bullshit, but let's pretend.

Account Guy:

These are facts, guys—

Copywriter:

Hang on. We're buying it. We're saying you're right.

Art Director:

Uh, no we're not.

Copywriter:

Hang on a second. Work with me. We're saying, okay, you have data that proves that women hate this stuff, contrary to our lived experience that says otherwise. Okay, we'll buy it. Women hate sci-fi and women hate Stephen King and women choose what to watch on TV. We're buying it.

Account Guy:

Finally.

Copywriter:

So explain something. The client does market research. The client finds out that women watch mini-series and women hate sci-fi, horror, and Stephen King. The client then spends several million dollars on a sci-fi horror Stephen King mini-series. Can you explain that?

Account Guy:

That's not our problem. Our problem is to get women to tune in to the first five minutes.

Copywriter:

And then change channels because it's not a love story?

Account Guy:

Now you're getting it.

Copywriter:

So you want us to pretend that this Stephen King sci-fi, horror mini-series is a love story, so millions of women will watch the first five minutes and then switch it off when they realize it's a horror movie.

Account Guy:

Are you watching my lips? What have I been saying?

Art Director:

The opening credit says Stephen King.

Account Guy:

So they'll watch the first thirty seconds.

Copywriter:

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Account Guy:

How long have you worked here?

Copywriter:

No, seriously, with all due respect. It makes no sense at all. None.

Account Guy:

(SHRUGS) It's Sweeps Week. »

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