Heart trouble
My marriage resulted in a daughter, Ava, and a dog, Emile. My daughter, thank God, is fine. But Emile has become ill, first with pneumonia, which he survived, and now with pulmonary hypertension, which is going to kill him.
The pneumonia manifested as coughing, fainting, dramatic weight loss, and lack of energy. A week in a veterinary hospital’s intensive care unit saved his life. And, for a few weeks afterward, although still underweight, he seemed to be recovering.
Then he began fainting again, often falling into his own urine and feces, sometimes while emitting what sounded like a scream of terror. The light would go out of his eyes. Grabbing his feet, patting his side, I’d lie on the floor, coaxing him back from the other world. Then it was back to the veterinarian, or, as two days ago, to the veterinary hospital’s ICU.
At the hospital, they prescribed a new medicine, which he starts today. They also told me, in doctor language, that he won’t be with us much longer.
It’s too soon to give up hope, too soon to pull the plug, but the day of horrible choices is approaching.
Filed under: glamorous
So very sorry for you and for Emile, Jeffrey.
It’s so sad when our pets get poorly, I know the feeling. Best wishes to Emile.
It’s amazing how we become attached to a ‘pet’. I’ve had dogs all my life and unfortunately had to make the ‘decision’ not long ago and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Charlie is still with us, yet he’s not a ‘pet’ to me, he’s either a son or the best friend I’ve ever had. Should the time come when he’s too old to fight for himself then I’d do everything within my power to keep him here.
Thoughts are with you, it’s never easy.
It’s a terrible day ahead of you. But you know you need to do the right thing. Emile deserves nothing less.
Sympathies to you and your family. I lost my dog Brandy a few backs back to cancer of the bladder and I’m still deeply saddened. We’re sending our hopes smiles from Boston.
This is heartbreaking. When we were forced to put our last pet to sleep, a basset named Susie, it hurt me as much as when I lost my father a year before. We often say that in an ideal world no one should die, but in reality that’s our big ego speaking. Such is not the way life works. Here’s hoping that Emile suffers no more pain from here on – that, at least, is something within reach. Best wishes and endurance to you all.
That’s very sad. It’s always upsetting when a member of the family is ill. Lets just hope the new medicine can help.
Really sad to hear about that, it’s a horrible feeling :(
I’m so sorry. I know how hard it is, and it will be even harder because your daughter is so young. You will get through it though, and with time be able to talk about what a wonderful dog he was, even though it doesn’t seem like that will ever be possible right now.
:(
I semsed, from previous updates, that Emile’s health was grave – I am sorry, my friend. You and Ava deserve a brighter year.
That’s the only problem with having a dog and loving it—you always have to go through losing it.
Sorry to hear about this.
Think quality of life of Emile and you’ll make the right decision at the right time. I’ve had to euthanize two dogs in the past 5 years and it’s a very difficult decision.
Hold every minute precious while he’s there and when the time is right consider having it done in a place that’s comfortable for him instead of the vet’s office which is often stressful for dogs.
One last thing – adopt a new dog as soon as possible. Bringing a new one into your life makes the pain of loss a bit more tolerable and there are so very many dogs who deserve a great home.
*(*(*hugs*)*)* I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I think Emile could not possibly have a better owner, or the best person possible to make the right decision for him.
You have my deepest sympathy. I’ve had several dogs, and when each of them passed it was terribly hard. They’re such sweet, innocent creatures.
Jeffrey,
Sorry to hear about Emile. It’s always a downer when our pets get ill and we need to make tough choices. I hope you’ll reach for a camera and take photos of Emile so you have more memories to cherish. Best wishes for you and Emile. Our family is pulling for him.
I had a pug after I was first married and she was truly our baby. She developed a disease that only pure bred pugs get and was diagnosed as terminal. My father-in-law is a vet and he contacted the Univerty of Tennessee and Auburn Vet School in a desparate attempt to help his daughter and I. Both schools said that it was very rare and that they only received one to two cases a year. After months of waking up at night to the sound of her having seizures I got to the point of finally thinking maybe she was better off dead but, when that time came, I would have given anything to have had her back.
What I’m saying is that I feel your pain. Sorry to vent.
i’m very sorry jeffrey. i feel your pain.
when one of our cats died in a house fire a couple of years ago it was devastating. we’ve also had to put some of our cats to sleep due to age and/or illness. it’s never easy, but you know when it’s time.
all you can do is love what you have now with all your heart, because you never know when it will be gone.
A couple of years ago, I had a cat that went into spasms days before xmas. She started yeowling right in the middle of my baking cookies with the grandkid. A few hours later in the animal emergency room I found myself reluctantly giving the ok for the doc’s to euthanize said cat, since she was suffering and unlikely to get any better from an undiagnosed case of feline leukemia. I cried so hard!
Now, no matter how ticked I get at my remaining granny kitties for their little naughties (peeing on the couch, scratching my arms, litter drops everywhere, etc.) , getting to hang out with them in their dotage is a small blessing that I’m thankful for every day.
Love Emile hard every day.
I’ll echo the advice from Jim Tinsky, above. Two years ago right about now, I got the news of my dear dog’s diagnosis of terminal cancer. She lasted another 6 months, while we tweaked her medicine and kept her mostly happy. My husband and I took completely different paths through the grieving process, so I really saw how everyone has to process at his/her own speed, and in his/her own way.
We had a new dog lined up to bring home the very day of the old girl’s euthanasia — that the timing was so perfect was mostly luck, but I highly recommend getting a new dog absolutely as soon after as you can. And I am *so* glad we arranged for the vet to come to our house to administer the final shots. My poor, sweet dog didn’t have any extra stress in her last moments.
Part of my coping was to recognize that like everyone else, our pets begin to die the day they’re born, and that we give our pets our hearts knowing they’ll break them in the end, but that it’s totally worth it. Go out and love some more (ty, Ruth Gordon).
This post literally made me cry…I’m so sorry…best wishes and hang in there…
I have lost pets I loved. Some after slow decline in health and some very sudden. It is heartbreaking, and you have my sympathy.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, Jeffrey. It’s really a hard time; I had to euthanize my last dog on December 24 last year and it was an extremely hard decision we had to make as a family, but I think it was the best for the dog. When the doctors say that there’s no way back, I think it’s better to stop the suffering on our best friend, even if it means that it will not cease the pain within our hearts.
Eventually you get through it, but it takes time, and you’ll find yourself crying like a baby from time to time, but I’m sure the love of your daughter will help a lot in healing the wounds. Just be strong and remember the good times you had with Emile :)
After following your tweets on this for awhile and having gone through something similar with my beloved dog this past year, I wish to advise you to do the right thing and end his suffering. It is the most difficult decision to make, but it is what your poor dog is begging for. Don’t put yourself, your daughter, or your pup through more pain just because it’s a hard choice. I hope that you read this and take it to heart.
I am very sorry that you have to face this. My wife and I had to say goodbye to a beloved cat months ago. It was difficult, even as such matters go, but euthanasia was the only humane avenue left. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. It’s just the way of things, though.
All best to you and yours.
:(
So sorry for you Mr. Zeldman.
Don’t give up, best wishes.
The main thing is to spare your pet suffering. They are not frightened of death.
We must take the bitter with the sweet, remembering that their lives and ours have been made richer by sharing time and love together. That’s really all we can do.
Ohh. Sympathies. I know you and Ava will get through it, but damn, what a drag.
Sorry to hear about your dog. I have PH and its a hard illness to have. It makes you tired all the time and everything is an effort so I sympathise with your dog completely. Just enjoy the here and now and deal with the end when it comes.Just let her rest when she wants to as exercise does make the problem worse.
Sympathies friend. I’ll be hoping for a miracle.
[...] http://www.zeldman.com/2009/12/28/heart-trouble/http://www.zeldman.com/?p=3366 [...]
Hang in there these time are tough for your pet. Your not much in control right now, but you have to have faith.
Mate, best of wishes to Emile and you guys, its a really suck thing to happen :(
Emile is a beautiful dog. We had to put our dog down four years ago and it was one of the saddest days of my life. It is hard to go through the loss of a friend like Emile with young children. I found a book, “The Dog Chapel” to be something we could read together that let us talk and cry it out, together.
Wishing you Peace.
“The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world — the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous — is his dog.” ~ George Graham Vest
I’m sorry you are losing your friend, Jeffery.
I’m sorry you and Ava are going through this. I’ve had two similar pet experiences, almost back-to-back. I went pet-less until a year ago because it was just too much and I needed a break.
Hang in there as long as it makes sense. I hope Emile feels as little pain as possible. When the time comes I hope it will be as quick and painless as possible.
[...] Heart trouble » Jeffrey Zeldman 9 hours ago [...]
Hi! I’ve been following your tweets for a while. As a dog owner, I hurt every time I read about Emil’s decline and the emotions you experience. While I know I’m just another reader of your blog, I want to say that I am sorry and hope that you will find peace during this time. And try your best to think of the joy he has brought to your life.
Strength & peace to you and your daughter…
~Alexandra
Washington, DC
Don’t know what to say, I’m sorry. I am just f***ing sorry, hopefully he isn’t going to suffer and I know you would not allow that. Dogs that I’ve known have probably taught me more about courage than anyone else. :) Hoping for some kind of divine intervention for this pup.
This is really sad. Your dog looks almost like mine. This story brought a tear to my eye. Hope that he pulls through.
And when they brought her from the MRI, carrying her because she was still a bit too sedated to walk, this girl, this girl who would have died for me, this girl who I would have jumped into a raging river to save, this boxer girl who had a brain tumor that had filled nearly half her brain, heard me say from behind her, “Hi, Brookie! It’s Mommy!” And this girl wagged her tail for me.
For me.
This is rough thing to go through. I haven’t had a dog since both of my big dogs passed after having them 12 & 16 years back in 1990 & 1991. Raven the Doberman died after being sick with cancer, then having stroke. We did everything possible, but she wasn’t getting better. I had to talk my Girlfriend into putting her to sleep, because after the stroke she was not the same dog, who loved to run & jump all the time. This was very hard for both of us, but had to be done. The other dog Cu (Great Dane, St. Bernard, German Shepherd & the best dog ever) was 16 when he just died of old age (maybe a heart attack), but since then the idea of having a dog hurts. Now my daughter Cyan (almost 6) has been bringing it up more & more, but we’re trying to hold off a couple more years, so got her a cat (which I like & her Mom loves). The thing I found out about dogs, they really do become your best friend & you have to let them go eventually. I feel your pain man.
I’m sorry about your pup, Jeffrey. She has a sweet face, and I imagine has been a delight.
I can also empathize, both about decisions:
http://shelleypowers.burningbird.net/reflections/black-holes/decisions-decisions
And the loss:
http://shelleypowers.burningbird.net/reflections/black-holes/just-cat
Sorry, he, not she.
So sad to read this news. We lost our dog Winston last summer (Boston Terrier 8 years old). We had no warning. We took him to the groomer and something went horribly wrong. The groomer called and he was gone, just like that. That day we buried him in the woods by my sisters, we used the basketball he loved to play with as a tombstone. A client of mine insisted that we get a new dog right away, she’d been through it. At the time it seemed like a trite and unthinkable thing to do, but the next day we saw a Boston advertised in the paper and went to check him out. Ollie came home with us. My client was right. The way I look at is Winston died, but Ollie now has a good home. As someone said in a previous post, consider a new dog even though it sounds like the last thing on earth you would want to do (and I’m sure it does). That’s the problem with dogs. Shorter lifespan. I feel for you.
My sons flickr memorial for Winston http://www.flickr.com/photos/dylanmurphy/sets/72157606262472894/ And the little guy who helped us heal http://www.flickr.com/photos/dylanmurphy/sets/72157606262567950/
I had a friend. His name was Bill, a Shepard Akita mix. Not just a friend really but my son (he liked that distinction) he was proud of that. My nick name for him was “Doggie Doggie”. We were inseparable for 15 years Jeffrey. At night I would say “hands” he would hop up in the love seat at the foot of the bed and I would stick my hands in his thick fur and rub him until he fell a sleep. He was funny, sensitive, and intuitive. Sometimes I was busy,
preoccupied or did not have the time. It did not matter he waited for me.
The day he passed it was 7:00pm time to go for our walk I told him he did not have to go, that I would understand he closed his eyes and died. He always waited for me. I will always remember him, always.
‘Enjoy every sandwich’ -Warren Zevon
That is rough. Before moving to Chicago I had been a dog owner all my life and when I left, my parents were taking care of our 15 year old Westie. He made it until this year at the age of 18. By this point he was mostly blind and deaf, he managed to get around the house simply by feel and memory alone. When his conditions finally got the best of him it was incredibly hard for my father to accept, he called out of week for a work. It was like he had lost a child. I almost flew home. A pet is every bit as much a family member as a person. I feel for you my friend.
I pray to God for him. I hope he will be recovered soon.
without reading this entire thread, may i first offer sincere condolences–we’ve been through the same. i’d like to suggest that you don’t get your hopes too high (impossible, i know) and that you let emile go with grace and dignity. we waited too long–if i could do it over again i’d have put our beautiful girl down a bit sooner. it’s horrible and difficult beyond comprehension, but don’t wait too long. our thoughts are with you during this painful transition. we feel YOUR pain.
My best friend Gus the cat died over a year ago, and I still talk to him every day. He was the opposite kind of a lot of these stories, he was very very sick, hypothyroid when born, and through a few miracles of fate, like us going to the vet hospital at Penn in Philly where there happened to be an intern who happened to work in the hypothroid cat colony they happened to have there, he got better and actually grew.
Luckily for me I was unemployed at the time, the only real reason I noticed or gathered his sickness enough for us to know to help him, and we bonded like anything.
When he finally got to go outside, say about 4 or six months or so, he ran and ran like a horse. He couldn’t believe it.
He was my best friend.
I know what you’re going through first hand. Emile, you and Ava have all our best wishes.
It’s rough acknowledging that nature has stacked cards against one you care for. Here’s to Emile – may he go out with stinging defiance.
This is really sad. Your dog looks almost like mine. This story brought a tear to my eye. Hope that he pulls through.
They break our hearts
I remember when I used to think that
someday your gonna break my heart
I remember when you ran away finally
came back on another day
I remember you when my day is done and
I can barely get thru another one
I remember when I picked you up cause
you were hurt and needed me
I remeber when I was hurt you picked
me up cause I needed you
I remember the day you left me here
and sure enough it broke my heart
I remember you and can only smile when
I think how you used to lick my face…….
Animals fill a hole in life that nothing else can. I lost my 9 year old Collie 2 months ago to cancer, it was the most heartbreaking loss. I completely understand about making the decision, Jackson made it for us, but it did not make it any easier. I feel your pain and hope that when it’s time you know that Emile crosses over the rainbow bridge, my Jackson will be waiting there to play. :)
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~Roger Caras
Dear Jeffrey,
I remember your post when you found Emile, tied up outside, and smelling “like a pretzel factory,” if I remember your words correctly.
I don’t recall who said it, but the thought was that we make an unconscious pact with the animals we bring into our lives. We know, at some level, that we will likely outlive them. And we bring them into our lives in spite of that.
I’ve walked with them down that path. While it hurts to have seen them through that passage, we have that peculiar bond between human and animal to remember. It is difficult to say whether their lives were enriched by the time spent together. I know my life has been enlivened by their presence.